A Horrible Idea
by EgotisticalIndustries
Summary: Screw it, I'm bored. Let's graft a reality-warping abomination from outside all existence to Commander Shepard's soul and see what happens. Oneshot.


** Author's Note:** Kardashev Effect ended with a Mary Sue ROFLstomp. Sorry about that. This next fic isn't serious in the slightest, and might be a one shot.

The Shepard in this story is a female colonist, who is a ruthless soldier. She was randomly generated. She's also somewhat Renegade. Over the course of the story, she will get significantly more crazy awesome. Special emphasis on crazy, having to share your mind with an abomination from outside of reality will do that to you.

I also randomly generated the aforementioned reality-eating abomination  
name: Nydonts  
agenda: GET ME OUT OF HERE!  
power granted: shape-shifting (and not just changing yourself either)  
power ranking: 6/10 (lesser god)

**Gellix, 2183, (30 seconds before the revival of Shepard)**

Nathan winced slightly as the summoning rose to a crescendo, and then there was a bright flash. When everyone's sight had returned, the summoning circle was both empty and heavily charred. Jason asked "so what happened?" Sara supplied "We summoned _something_, we just didn't necessarily summon it to _here_."

**The darkness outside space, same whatever passes for time**

Nydonts was just cruising along, when (it/he/she) felt the familiar tug of a summoning. If Nydonts' thoughts were remotely comprehensible to mortals, they would have translated to "Ugh, here we go again, let's get this over with". Then something that could _almost_ be called surprise formed within Nydonts' "mind" as somehow the summoning was hijacked. And now (it/he/she) was being grafted to some poor sod's soul. Or sod-ette as the case may be.

**Lazarus Station, Shepard POV, same time**

As commander Shepard awoke, she found herself on an operating table. Considering what had happened, it made sense that if she would wake up anywhere, it would be on an operating table. Then she noticed a small 'voice' in the back of her mind. If she focused, she could _almost_ make out what it was saying. Interestingly, no matter where you go, expletives sound the same everywhere, and that _thing_ in her mind was apparently very upset with the situation.

Commander Shepard, being somewhat annoyed with the situation herself thought 'at' the little voice in the back of her mind "_what are you?_" When the… thing in her mind responded with "I'm Nydonts, and I've been grafted to your soul against my will," Shepard was _very_ surprised. Shepard thought back "well, we should at least try to get some benefit from this situation, shouldn't we." The response from Nydonts was "certainly, my abilities are to _twist_ things just right so that from the perspective of reality, they look like something else." Shepard thought back "I'm a soldier, I'm good at shooting things." And then both thought in sequence "let's get out of here."

Shepard then thought "ok I'm going to need a gun and some armor, preferably an assault rifle and a combat hardsuit." Nydonts' response was "_certainly!_" The resulting weapon (which was, until recently a table leg.) resembled no gun Shepard had _ever_ seen before. It had a stock and pistol grip, those were only familiar parts. The business end of the device, instead of having a barrel, had a single, unblinking eye. Shepard mentally queried Nydonts on whether it could be made somewhat less conspicuous. Afterwards the gun looked more like a conventional Avenger, but it still emitted a subtle sense of _wrongness_.

The armor could at least pass for a suit of heavy crisis armor, provided you didn't try to wear it. As Shepard put it on, it felt slightly damp. Then her perceptions shifted, almost as if she was the armor, rather than merely wearing it. Fully equipped and ready to kill something, Shepard kicked down the door. As she did, she saw a YMIR mech charging down the hallway at her. Acting on instinct, Shepard fired the gun she was carrying at the YMIR. The results were, as they sometimes say, spectacular.

The beam, while in flight, was briefly every color a mortal mind could comprehend, and quite a few it couldn't. On impact, the beam put a hole in the YMIR's chest plating, completely ignoring its shields, and produced an exceedingly violent explosion. Parts of the mech were embedded in all the walls, the ceiling, and the floor, but none of them had hit Shepard. This in and of itself was somewhat disconcerting.

**Some time later: Normandy SR-2 hangar**

Commander Shepard took one look at the newly constructed Normandy SR-2, and thought at Nydonts "It's not impressive enough, make its guns work like that super-beam-rifle you gave me please." Nydonts (who was _already_ starting to have trouble separating (its/his/her) thoughts from Shepard's own), gladly complied.

**Even later: Collector Base**

The gestalt psyche that once was Nydonts and Commander Shepard, was having fun storming the collector base, then (it/she) saw the Human-Reaper, which was, to be completely blunt, ugly. (it/she) didn't like the Human-reaper, and turned it into a bronze statue.


End file.
